We all know that our four-legged friends make us feel good, but for an even more portable dose of fun, we’ve curated a collection of fifty funny dog jokes and memes to lift your spirits wherever you are.
Funny Dog Jokes
1. What does a chemist’s dog do with all the bones?
Barium.
2. What does a hot dog wear?
Just Pants
3. Why do blind people not do skydiving?
It frightens the Guide Dog too much.
4. What do you get if you cross a guard dog with a hyena?
I don’t know, but you should definitely join in if it starts laughing.
5. What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
6. What looks like a dog, lives in a kennel, eats dog food, but is way more dangerous than a dog?
A dog with a chainsaw.
7. How did the little dog react when he met Frankenstein?
He was Terrier-fied!
8. Why was the dog up a ladder?
He was a woofer.
9. What do you call a deaf dog?
Whatever you like, he still won’t come when you call.
10. What’s a dog’s favorite musical instrument?
A trombone.
11. What do French dogs say before a meal?
Bone Appetit!
12. Why do dogs love listening to their stereo?
They’ve got a sub-woofer.
13. What dog is never late?
A watchdog.
14. What do you get if you cross a daisy with a sheepdog?
A collie-flower.
15. What does a dog do if he doesn’t like what’s on television?
He presses paws.
16. What do you get when you cross a spaniel with a poodle and add a rooster?
A cockerpoodledoo!
17. What does a dog get when it finishes university?
A pe-degree.
18. What’s the difference between an ocean biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale and the other wags a tail.
19. A talking sheepdog gets all the sheep into the pen and tells the farmer, “That’s all 60 in.”
“But I only have 58 sheep,” replies the farmer.
“I know, but I rounded them up.”
20. What kind of market should dogs stay away from?
A flea market!
21. Be careful if it starts raining cats and dogs.
You could step in a Poodle.
22. Where do dogs park?
In barking lots.
23. Which kind of dog can jump higher than a tall building?
Any kind – tall buildings can’t jump!
24. A burglar is sneaking into a house one night when, from the darkness, he hears a voice,
“Ghost is watching you.”
He stops for a moment, terrified. When nothing happens, he starts moving again when the voice comes again.
“Ghost is watching you.”
He stands still for a very long time and then eventually backs over to the wall and fumbles for a light switch. When the light comes on, he sees a parrot in a cage.
He sighs with relief. “Oh, it’s just a parrot.”
The parrot cocks its head on one side and looks at the burglar. “Yes,” he says. “I’m just a parrot. Ghost is the big dog standing behind you with his teeth out.”
25. My dog Minton ate two shuttlecocks.
Bad Minton!
26. What do you call a snowman’s dog?
A slush puppy.
27. My dog has no nose.
How does he smell?
Awful!
28. What do you call up a dog who digs up old bones?
A Barkeologist.
29. What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?
A cat-has-trophy.
30. I told my dog lots of jokes about sheep.
Did he laugh?
No, he’d herd them all.
Funny Dog Memes
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Forrest is a lover of dogs, the wild outdoors, deep mysterious conversations… and coffee. He is the owner of several websites, including Canine Weekly. He resides in Austin, Texas.