50 Funny Dog Jokes and Memes to Lift Everyone’s Spirits

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We all know that our four-legged friends make us feel good, but for an even more portable dose of fun, we’ve curated a collection of fifty funny dog jokes and memes to lift your spirits wherever you are.

Funny Dog Jokes

1. What does a chemist’s dog do with all the bones?

Barium.

2. What does a hot dog wear?

Just Pants

3. Why do blind people not do skydiving?

It frightens the Guide Dog too much.

4. What do you get if you cross a guard dog with a hyena?

I don’t know, but you should definitely join in if it starts laughing.

5. What do dogs eat for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.

6. What looks like a dog, lives in a kennel, eats dog food, but is way more dangerous than a dog?

A dog with a chainsaw.

7. How did the little dog react when he met Frankenstein?

He was Terrier-fied!

8. Why was the dog up a ladder?

He was a woofer.

9. What do you call a deaf dog?

Whatever you like, he still won’t come when you call.

10. What’s a dog’s favorite musical instrument?

A trombone.

11. What do French dogs say before a meal?

Bone Appetit!

12. Why do dogs love listening to their stereo?

They’ve got a sub-woofer.

13. What dog is never late?

A watchdog.

14. What do you get if you cross a daisy with a sheepdog?

A collie-flower.

15. What does a dog do if he doesn’t like what’s on television?

He presses paws.

16. What do you get when you cross a spaniel with a poodle and add a rooster?

A cockerpoodledoo!

17. What does a dog get when it finishes university?

A pe-degree.

18. What’s the difference between an ocean biologist and a dog?

One tags a whale and the other wags a tail.

19. A talking sheepdog gets all the sheep into the pen and tells the farmer, “That’s all 60 in.”

“But I only have 58 sheep,” replies the farmer.

“I know, but I rounded them up.”

20. What kind of market should dogs stay away from?

A flea market!

21. Be careful if it starts raining cats and dogs. 

You could step in a Poodle.

22. Where do dogs park?

In barking lots.

23. Which kind of dog can jump higher than a tall building?

Any kind – tall buildings can’t jump!

24. A burglar is sneaking into a house one night when, from the darkness, he hears a voice,

“Ghost is watching you.”

He stops for a moment, terrified. When nothing happens, he starts moving again when the voice comes again.

“Ghost is watching you.”

He stands still for a very long time and then eventually backs over to the wall and fumbles for a light switch. When the light comes on, he sees a parrot in a cage.

He sighs with relief. “Oh, it’s just a parrot.”

The parrot cocks its head on one side and looks at the burglar. “Yes,” he says. “I’m just a parrot. Ghost is the big dog standing behind you with his teeth out.”

25. My dog Minton ate two shuttlecocks.

Bad Minton!

26. What do you call a snowman’s dog?

A slush puppy.

27. My dog has no nose.

How does he smell?

Awful!

28. What do you call up a dog who digs up old bones?

A Barkeologist.

29. What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?

A cat-has-trophy.

30. I told my dog lots of jokes about sheep.

Did he laugh?

No, he’d herd them all.

Funny Dog Memes

Source: @dognamedstella/instagram 
Source: @eliciansleek/twitter
Source: Imgur
Source: Imgur
Source: @meglizf/Twitter
Source: me.me 
Source: We Know Memes
Source: indulgy.com
Source: @dogsbeingbasic/instagram 
Source: [khaleesivezhven] or tastefullyoffensive.tumblr.com 
Source: Imgur
Source: thebarkingblog.com 
Source: twitter @mynameisn’tdave
Source: imgflip.com by TheJimmyBuck
Source: winkgo.com 
Source: tumblr.tastefullyoffensive.com 
Source: me.me
Source: @huskyparadise/twitter
Source: Pixy.org
Source: thewarriormessenger.com (by Michael Corbett)

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